A Heavyweight Responsibility
Dave Faust
It’s a heavy commandment: “Honor your father and mother.” Literally, it’s heavy. The Hebrew word used in the Old Testament for “honoring” is kabed, and the root of the term means “to be heavy.” In a negative sense, it meant burdensome or difficult; in a positive sense, it meant weighty and glorious. Even today, in modern slang when someone hears a profound thought or a weighty insight he might exclaim, “That’s really heavy!”
Honoring our parents means putting them in a place of significance and respect—giving their opinions a lot of weight. *Kabed appears *in 1 Samuel 2:30 where the Lord says, “Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained,” and in Proverbs 3:9, which says, “Honor the Lord with your wealth.” The noun form, kabod, appears in 2 Chronicles 29:28, which says King David “died at a good old age, having enjoyed long life, wealth and honor.”
The New Testament word for honoring is the Greek timao, which means to prize, revere, or value. It’s the root of the name Timothy (“dear to God” or “one who values God”). Jesus used this term when he said “that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father” (John 5:23). Paul used a form of the word when he wrote, “Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10), and so did Peter when he urged, “Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king” (1 Peter 2:17).
We honor our parents when we place high value on them, giving them proper weight in our lives. God commanded sons and daughters never to curse or strike their parents (Exodus 21:15, 17); to heed their counsel (Proverbs 23:22); and to care for them in their advanced years (1 Timothy 5:4, 8).
There comes a point when mature sons and daughters leave their parents and stand on our own two feet as adults, but we never outgrow our duty to honor our father and mother. Yet, just because you’re a grown-up, it doesn’t mean it’s easy to build a grown-up relationship with your mom and dad. How can you honor a parent who lives a dishonorable life? How can you honor a parent who abandoned, abused, or neglected you—an absentee dad who failed to provide for his kids, or a self-centered mom who acted like the world revolved around her own whims and wants? How can you honor parents who hold no faith in God, or who weary family and friends with their own emotional problems?
Even if you have wonderful Christian parents who are models of godliness and love, difficult issues may arise as you work to build a grown-up relationship based on mutual respect and trust. These are heavy issues indeed; but God is willing to help with the heavy lifting. So I offer this simple prayer.
Prayer of an Adult Child
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Father,
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Like me, my parents are far from perfect. Help me to realize their weaknesses and recognize their strengths. Keep me from being embittered or hostile toward them. Help me to forgive their imperfections and view them through eyes of grace.
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*My parents do not control me or my choices. Whether they trust and obey you or not, I will. Whether they respect me or not, I will respect them. Whether they choose to follow Christ or not, I will. *
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*I am grateful for the gift of life you granted through my mom and dad. As they age, let me treat them the way I want my loved ones to treat me as I myself grow older. *
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*God, my parents are your concern even more than they are mine. Direct, guide, and bless them in accordance with your will. Give me wisdom and strength to be an “adult child” who treats my parents in a way befitting a child of God. I offer this prayer in the name of Jesus, who respected his earthly parents and showed love for his mother even from the cross. Amen. *
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This column first appeared in The Lookout on Aug 1, 2011.
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