Can We Stop the Hurt?

Most observers would have called him a successful businessman. He owned a large piece of property, was married to an intelligent and beautiful woman, and owned 1,000 goats and 3,000 sheep. But things weren't good at home. Nabal was "surly and mean in his dealings." His name meant "fool," and as his wife Abigail pointed out, Nabal was just as foolish as his name suggested (1 Samuel 25:2, 3, 25).

Unfortunately, the surly spirit of Nabal lives on in homes tainted by domestic abuse. In an article on "Exposing Domestic Violence" (New Man, May 1998), Ken Abraham points out some disturbing facts. Twenty percent of all emergency room visits by women result from domestic violence. Four million abuse incidents are reported each year, and many others go unreported. Scripture tells us to "get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice" (Ephesians 4:31), but Christians aren't immune to these problems. On average, in a congregation of 100 people, at least one family typically experiences domestic violence, and as many as one-fourth of the women who attend your church have endured some sort of abuse.

These sad statistics aren't entirely surprising, however, in light of the biblical warning that a time will come when sinful people will be "abusive . . . without love . . . without self-control, and brutal" (2 Timothy 3:2, 3). Satan seems intent upon stripping decency, respect, and kindness from our culture. In his newsletter Just Thinking (Spring/Summer 1998), Ravi Zacharias notes that God intends to display his holiness through beautiful things, as we see in two acts of creation: life itself, and human sexuality. "It is not accidental then," Zacharias observes, "that in secular expressions of contemporary art, particularly in the movies, violence and sensuality abound. The very things the Creator deemed sacred, we desacralize."

Physical and sexual abuse are obvious wrongs. More subtle but similarly destructive is emotional abuse, which violates numerous biblical precepts: "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. . . . Fathers, do not embitter your children" (Colossians 3:19, 21). "Be kind and compassionate to one another" (Ephesians 4:32).

Proverbs chapter 28 provides some helpful starting-points for dealing with the complex problem of domestic abuse.

"Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it fully" (v. 5). God wants us to be fair and act justly. This means standing up for those who are vulnerable and defenseless, while also making sure we don't jump to conclusions when someone is accused of wrongdoing.

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy" (v. 13). Abusers can find forgiveness in Christ, but they must acknowledge their wrongs, face the facts about the harm they've done, and get help so they don't repeat the abuse.

"Like a roaring lion or a charging bear is a wicked man ruling over a helpless people" (v. 15). Don't minimize this problem. Domestic abuse causes extensive damage. People are getting hurt.

"He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue" (v. 23). We need to hold one another accountable and be willing to confront when necessary.

"He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe" (v. 26). We shouldn't try to go it alone, but seek assistance from others (church leaders, counselors, law enforcement personnel, support groups—and most of all, the Lord) who have the wisdom and expertise to help us.

Nabals shouldn't go unchallenged.