Father of the Bride

Lord willing, my daughter Michelle will be married next month, and I'm still adjusting to the swift approach of in-lawhood. Only a short time ago, or so it seems, my own bride walked down the aisle on her father's arm. (Actually, it's been almost 24 years.) But soon I will be the father of the bride, proudly presenting my "little girl" to her beaming groom.

Further complicating my role, Michelle and Charles asked me to officiate at the wedding. When I asked if there are any special things they want me to include in the ceremony, Michelle immediately said, "Just don't cry through the whole thing! It'll kind of ruin the mood."

So there you have it: My main responsibility is to keep from crying. (No guarantees on that one.) My other vital job, it appears, is to be handy with the checkbook while my wife and daughter scurry around ordering dresses, cakes, flowers, and photos.

Actually, I am keenly aware of my other responsibilities. As a minister of the gospel, it will be my duty to remind the gathered crowd that God's love undergirds healthy marriages and infuses the wedding vows with their rich and solemn meaning. As the father of the bride, it's also my responsibility to bless my daughter and son-in-law with an attitude that says, "I'll always love you, but I won't cling to you. You're free to cleave to each other and build your own home with the help of God."

So those will be my goals next month: Don't cry too much. Remind myself and others about the Lord's perspective on marriage. Offer support without meddling, love without smothering, independence without abandonment. I hope I can do those things well, but I don't expect them to be easy.

The other day, as we often do, my wife and I were talking about all three of our nearly grown children. Candy said, "I'm proud of the way they're all turning out, but we're not out of the woods yet." I nodded, then after thinking for a moment I replied, "I'm not sure we'll ever be out of the woods!"

Does a parent quit caring about his kids just because they reach a certain age or marry or move out of the house? Can a loving mom ever forget a child she has nurtured from infancy? Doesn't a proud dad always find joy in even the smallest accomplishment of his son or daughter? When our offspring worry us and wound us, when they bring us sadness and stress, even when they stray from the right path, deep down there's still a bond of love. This side of Heaven, parents will never be out of the woods.

That's one of the many reasons parenthood provides such an apt illustration of the love of God. The Lord asks, "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands" (Isaiah 49:15, 16). "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him" (Psalm 103:13). Until all his children are safely home, our heavenly Father keeps watching and waiting, longing for us to reciprocate his love.

Meanwhile, I pray for Michelle and Charles. I want their wedding ceremony to go well. Even more, I want their marriage to go well for years to come. A daughter can leave your home, but you can't erase her love from your heart. Next month, when I'm asked, "Who adds a blessing to this union?" I plan to respond with a heartfelt, "Her mother and I." Hopefully, I will even say it without crying.