How Can I Count the Ways?
Dave Faust
In a famous sonnet the English poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." I can't reduce my marriage to mathematics, but when I think about my wife Candy I can identify many ways to quantify our love.
Number of wedding anniversaries we have celebrated: 33.
Days we have been together "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health": more than 12,000.
Children we have brought up together: three.
Hours I have spent waiting impatiently for her to come to the car when I'm ready to go somewhere: at least 60. Hours she has spent waiting for me to come home from work, late for supper: at least 600.
Years she has been paid for her work as a Registered Nurse: 12. Years she has received no pay whatsoever for her work as a mother and a minister's wife: 33.
Estimated number of shirts she has ironed for me during the course of our marriage: 5,148. Estimated number of shirts I have ironed for myself over the same period of time: 500.
Estimated number of times I have ironed an article of clothing for her over the same period of time: maybe three. (It's not that I'm unwilling. She doesn't trust my ironing skills.)
Times she got up during the night to care for our kids when they were sick: unknown, but whatever the number, it's at least five times the number of nights when I did it.
Times she has watched an entire football game with me from kickoff till the final gun: 0.
Times I have watched a movie with her that I didn't really enjoy: 33 (at least once a year).
Estimated number of loaves of her delicious homemade oatmeal bread she has baked over the years: 825.
Times we have exchanged snippy comments: at least 12,000 (an average of once per day, with occasional gusts up to 10 or more).
Occasions when we got so angry with each other that I flipped toothpaste at her and she hit me with a loaf of bread: once. (It's a famous story in our family—the stuff legends are made of.)
Dumb things I have done over the years: too many to count.
Dumb things she has done over the years: none I'm going to mention in this column.
Number of states we have visited during the course of our marriage: 48.
Times I have thanked the Lord for blessing me with such a terrific wife: more than I can count.
Years Elizabeth Barrett spent ill and living as a recluse, alone in her bedroom: five.
Number of letters Elizabeth exchanged over 20 months with her suitor, the English author Robert Browning, prior to their marriage: 574. (They eloped in 1846.)
Times Elizabeth's father spoke to her again after she married Robert: 0. (Her father bitterly opposed their marriage.)
Number of children the Brownings had together: one (a son named Pen, born when Elizabeth was 43.)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning died at age 55. Years she and Robert Browning were married before she died: 15. This means I already have enjoyed more than twice as many years with my wife as the Brownings shared together. I have been given far more days with my beloved than the poet was given who wrote, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways."
But then again, who's counting?
This column first appeared in The Lookout on Jun 7, 2009.
How Big Is Your Worldview?
Talking with a coworker about plans for an upcoming banquet, I said, “Even if 20 people attend, it will be worthwhile.” She smiled and replied, “I was thinking we should plan for 500 guests.” Evidently I wasn’t thinking big enough.
How Did the Two of You Meet?
At a luncheon for senior adults, I found a table where half a dozen smiling seniors were preparing to eat. I slid into an empty chair next to Harry, a gentleman in his 80s known as a pillar in the church. Harry smiled at me and said, "I have a question for you, Dave. How have you been treating that sweet wife of yours?"