I Still Do

Marriages go through three stages.

First there are the "wows," the exciting initial stages of courtship when two people discover their mutual attraction.

Then there are the "vows," the solemn promises made before God at a wedding ceremony.

But much of married life consists of the "nows," the give-and-take of daily life as a couple builds a home together over the long haul. In healthy marriages, you'll find all three: wows, vows, and nows.

Every marriage needs a "wow" now and then. God says to "rejoice in the wife of your youth" (Proverbs 5:18). Fun and romance alone will not make a marriage strong, but neglecting them will make a marriage dull. Too many couples literally reach a stalemate in their relationship. They become stale mates, no longer making the effort to keep their love fresh, vibrant, and growing.

And what about the "vows"? Today many couples skip the vows altogether. In the United States, the number of couples who live together without marriage has increased by 400 percent since 1970. This trend is one of the most destructive moral ills of our time, for it deviates from the plan of God, makes children less secure, and betrays the trust that lies at the heart of a healthy relationship. When couples face the inevitable tests, there's no substitute for a firm commitment to the Lord and to each other. "So guard yourself in spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth" (Malachi 2:15).

Did you ever ponder the profound significance of the simple phrase, "I do"? By saying "I," each person accepts responsibility. It's not, "You're expected to make me happy," or "You'd better treat me right." The word "I" underscores each person's individual commitment to the marriage.

And the word "do" highlights the fact that married love requires action. It's not "I might" or "I can't." It's not even "I think" or "I feel." It's "I do." While our thoughts and feelings are important, a lasting marriage also takes a lot of doing.

Doing God's will. Breaking daily bread. Sharing a nightly bed. Forgiving mistakes. Building memories. Solving problems. Learning to live with personality differences. Overcoming temptations. Savoring shared experiences no one else can comprehend quite as well as your mate. Enduring tough times with the help of Jesus, who performed his first miracle at a wedding feast where the newlyweds already faced a crisis.

On August 31, 1975, I stood next to my white-gowned bride and slipped a gold ring onto Candy's finger. Back then, I had a lot to learn about love. I still do. Like other marriages, ours has experienced better and worse, sickness and health, richer and poorer. And God has been faithful through it all.

More than three decades ago, I meant it when I said "I do." I couldn't foresee what the years ahead would bring, but I trusted our heavenly Father to help us make it.

I still do.

And God still does.

This article first appeared in The Lookout on February 9, 1997.