'Keep Well Thy Tongue'

It's not just what you say . . . it's where you say it. A compliment from the boss means a lot, but it means even more if he says it in front of the board of directors. A rebuke from your coach is hard to hear, but it's even more painful if he embarrasses you in front of your teammates and the watching crowd.

Candy and I were at Niagara Falls when I asked her to marry me, although it sounds more romantic than it actually was. The park was under construction at the time and the only witnesses to my marriage proposal were some guys in hard-hats carrying lumber around. Still, I can always remember where we became engaged.

It takes courage to affirm that "there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved," but imagine the boldness it took for Peter to make that statement in front of the very leaders who had approved of Jesus' death (Acts 4:1-17). The apostle Paul's great sermon about "the unknown God" is even more impressive when we realize he spoke about the true God who "does not live in temples made by hands" in Athens, right in the shadow of the Parthenon and other elaborate temples that were a source of pride to the Greeks (17:22-31).

It's not just what you say . . . it's how you say it. Conflicts calm down when we apply the biblical advice, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). Well-chosen words are "like apples of gold in settings of silver" (25:11). A trusted grandmother can communicate a message to a teenager that the girl refuses to accept from her own mom. A preacher with a reputation for integrity can bring a tough message to his congregation and they will accept it because they know his heart. Paul could have ordered his friend Philemon to comply with his wishes, but instead he said, "I appeal to you on the basis of love" (Philemon 9).

It's not just what you say . . . it's when you say it. "A man finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!" (Proverbs 15:23). Jesus said, "I have called you friends" (John 15:15), and these words carry more weight when we recall that the Lord was only hours from the cross when he uttered them. We're moved more deeply by his prayer for the unity of his followers (John 17) when we realize he spoke these words on the night before he died. Likewise, the Great Commission possesses even more impact when we realize these were Jesus' final instructions before he ascended into Heaven.

It's not just what you say . . . it's why you say it. Motives are of great importance in the eyes of God. Jesus' enemies asked sincere-sounding questions, but their actual goal was to trap him in his words (Matthew 22:15). Paul warned about slick-sounding preachers whose messages were masks for deception and greed (1 Thessalonians 2:5, 1 Timothy 6:3-5). Fake friends tell us what they want us to hear, but true friends tell us what we really need to hear. "He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue" (Proverbs 28:23).

Chaucer wrote, "My son, keep well thy tongue, and keep thy friend." We will build strong friendships if we learn to speak "only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).