Living in Denial?

Everyone who knows my friend Dave Scalf smiles whenever his name comes up. He's so funny he could make a living as a stand-up comedian. One of his favorite jokes is, "I made it through college in four terms: the Carter term, the Reagan term, the Bush term, and the Clinton term!"

Recently, though, Dave's family has been going through a difficult time. His two-year-old son Isaac has been hospitalized for months with a life-threatening illness. In another hospital his mother is in critical condition. And then suddenly, in the midst of these trying times, Dave's dad died.

That's why it was striking how Dave began a recent e-mail. He simply said, "I love God." Over and over again he repeated it throughout his e-mail as he described the details of his son's medical condition. "I love God." "I love God."

Later we stood by his son's bedside and talked about how things were going. Even in serious moments you can't talk to Dave without sharing a few belly laughs, but this time there were tears too.

"I'm so sorry about what you're going through, Dave," I said.

He nodded. "It's been rough."

"You remind me of Job."

Dave nodded again. "Yeah, I've thought about that," he admitted. "You wonder what bad thing is going to happen next."

I probed a bit. "So how can you still say, 'I love God'?"

Dave thought a minute and then replied, "I don't love what's happening to my family. I can't stand to see my little boy suffer. But I still love God. I'm not going to blame him for the bad things. I'm going to trust him for the good things."

How can we explain Dave's tenacious faith? An amateur psychologist might say he's simply in denial, unwilling to accept his painful losses. An atheist would probably say he's out of touch with reality, for there's no God to lean on in the first place. A cynic might ask, "Even if God exists, why would you love him after all he's put you through?"

But Dave and his wife Amy have chosen a different approach. During their long ordeal in the hospital, they have written Bible verses on pieces of paper and taped them to the walls of Isaac's room. They have befriended the doctors, nurses, and parents of other children in their son's ward. Their days are filled with anxious waiting, hard questions, and painful doubt, but also with prayer, love, and hope—and those occasional belly laughs.

I don't think Dave is in denial. He's living by faith! He lives in daily acceptance of the promises of God. He accepts that life is unfair, but God is good.

When Dave was a boy his dad taught him a favorite memory verse: "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). His dad liked that verse because it helped to "make Jesus real." In another e-mail Dave said, "I don't pretend to understand why my family is going through all this, but I do know Jesus cried. He understands my hurt and my tears for my son who has this terrible disease, my mom who is really sick, and the loss of my dad. He could stop all this . . . but he also could have removed himself from the cross; and if he had, we would not have the hope we have today."

Some funny guys joke around to cover up their pain. "Even in laughter, the heart may ache" (Proverbs 14:13). Do some of my friend's belly laughs spring from an aching heart? Probably so.

But something else inside his heart makes all the difference, and it's a fact that cannot be denied. Dave Scalf loves God.