Power Struggles
Dave Faust
Not long ago I spent a week on the Oregon coast, where I spoke for a conference at a nearby retreat center. My home for the week, which I shared with three other men, was a rustic cabin on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean.
Early one morning as I worked on my laptop computer, one of my housemates began to prepare breakfast. It was a beautiful setting: waves breaking against the rocks outside my window, the smells of coffee and toast wafting through the cool morning air.
Suddenly the lights went out. With a microwave oven, a coffee pot, electric lights, and a computer all competing for a limited amount of power, there simply wasn't enough to go around. It took us awhile to find the circuit breaker and restore the lights—and then we had to adjust by reducing the demand for power. As I recall, I left my computer off for a while. (Coffee and toast took precedence!)
Too often, couples engage in power struggles. Their conversations degenerate into battles of the wills—and battles of the "won'ts"! Why can't she spend money the way she wants? Why can't he do whatever he wishes with his leisure time? Why is she so often late? Why is he so messy?
Real power isn't gained by getting your own way. In fact, sometimes the greatest power comes from giving in—by turning off your own part of the "power drain" and refusing to quarrel over minor issues. Mutual consideration goes a long way in any relationship—and it can keep a marriage running on full power.
Editor's note: This article is an excerpt from David Faust's book, Married for Good (HeartSpring, 2003).
This column first appeared in The Lookout on Jun 8, 2003.
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