Put-Downs

A joke about a bad marriage will almost always get a laugh. Comedian George Burns quipped, "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." Rodney Dangerfield joked, "My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."

The Bible, however, emphasizes the "lift-up," not the "put-down." "Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift" (Ephesians 4:29, The Message). Constant put-downs drain the joy out of any relationship. To paraphrase a couple of helpful proverbs, "Reckless words will pierce your husband like a sword, but a wise wife will find a way to communicate healing, confidence-building words to her mate" (Proverbs 12:18). "A man who chooses his words carefully will be a blessing to his wife and will protect his marriage from calamity" (Proverbs 21:23). Most people need encouragement far more than they need another critic—and no one needs your encouragement more than your marriage partner.

Come to think of it, though, most marriages could use some put-downs of another variety. Put down the newspaper so you can talk. Put down your defenses that keep you from opening up to your spouse. Put away the distractions that weaken the quality of your time together. Put away the TV remote control, get away from the computer, quit spending so much time at work, stop chipping away at your spouse's self-worth, detach yourself from self-centered attitudes that prevent you from making small sacrifices for your mate.

Are you holding onto a bit of bitterness that prevents you from building up your spouse? There's a simple solution. Don't hold onto it anymore. Put it down.