[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":119},["ShallowReactive",2],{"\u002Farticles\u002Freal-parents":3,"\u002Farticles\u002Freal-parents-surround":109},{"id":4,"title":5,"author":6,"bibleBooks":8,"body":10,"columnName":91,"date":92,"description":5,"extension":93,"image":94,"meta":95,"minRead":96,"navigation":97,"path":98,"postType":99,"publication":100,"publicationUrl":94,"seo":101,"stem":102,"topics":103,"__hash__":108},"blog\u002Farticles\u002Freal-parents.md","Real Parents",{"name":7},"Dave Faust",[9],"",{"type":11,"value":12,"toc":88},"minimark",[13,16,19,22,25,28,31,34,37,40,43,46,49,52,55,58,61,64,67,70,73,76,79,82,85],[14,15,5],"p",{},[14,17,18],{},"Publication: The Lookout",[14,20,21],{},"Date: August 3, 2008",[14,23,24],{},"Column: First Look",[14,26,27],{},"Category: Adoption",[14,29,30],{},"\"Who is your real mom?\"",[14,32,33],{},"My wife Candy and I still remember the day our six-year-old daughter came home and repeated the question her friends had asked her at school.",[14,35,36],{},"It's not surprising that they would ask. Candy has blonde hair and fair skin, and Melinda has brown skin and jet-black hair. Still, the question stung. Melinda wondered, \"Mom, what should I say when my friends ask if you're my real mom?\"",[14,38,39],{},"As she already had done several times before, Candy lovingly explained what we knew about Melinda's origins. She was born in Korea in 1983, and a few days later her birth mother wrapped her in a blanket with a note pinned to it bearing her date of birth and placed her at the door of an orphanage in Seoul. She was cared for very well by the orphanage and a foster mother for four months, and then an escort brought her to New York City where we met her at Kennedy Airport. Ever since, she has been part of our family—legally, spiritually, emotionally, unquestionably.",[14,41,42],{},"Candy chuckled and said, \"Pinch me. Am I real?\"",[14,44,45],{},"Melinda laughed. \"Yes, of course!\"",[14,47,48],{},"\"What is a mother?\" my wife continued. They talked for a few minutes about how a mother is someone who cares, loves, and nurtures her children. \"I'm your real mother,\" Candy said, \"but I'm not your birth mother. Another woman gave you birth, and for reasons we don't know, she was unable to care for you, so we had the privilege of adopting you into our family. Your birth mom loved you enough that she wanted you to be safe and cared for.\" Satisfied, Melinda ran off to play.",[14,50,51],{},"If you're not an adoptive parent you might not think about it, but the language we use is very significant. Adoptive parents are real parents, not inferior substitutes. It's fine to speak about our kids' \"biological parents\" or \"birth parents,\" but a phrase like \"natural parent\" makes adoption sound unnatural.",[14,53,54],{},"Real parents love their kids when they're healthy and when they're sick, when they obey and when they disobey, when they're adorable and when they're hard to be around. Real parents give their kids time, meet their emotional needs, and celebrate their birthdays and graduations.",[14,56,57],{},"Real parents know what their children like and dislike, and delight in giving them joy.",[14,59,60],{},"They play ball with them in the back yard, read them stories while snuggling together in a big chair, and tuck them into bed at night with a prayer of thanks.",[14,62,63],{},"Real parents do whatever they can to provide their children with a good education and a decent place to live. They answer their kids' questions, teach them moral values, develop their character, and give them a shoulder to cry on.",[14,65,66],{},"Real parents do their best to lead their children to Christ so they will develop a bond with their heavenly Father that will outlast any earthly relationships.",[14,68,69],{},"Real parents love their children through all the awkward stages. They feel the pain when their teenagers rebel and the relief when they come around again. They love them into adulthood and all through life.",[14,71,72],{},"That's what real parents do. And make no mistake about it, adoptive parents do all those things.",[14,74,75],{},"When Melinda was about eight years old, I was leading a Mothers Day service at church. Standing before the congregation, I asked, \"Would anyone like to say a word of tribute to your mother?\"",[14,77,78],{},"Melinda's hand went up. She said, \"I'm thankful for my three moms.\"",[14,80,81],{},"Surprised and a bit unsure what she would say, I asked, \"Your three moms? Can you explain what you mean?\"",[14,83,84],{},"\"I'm thankful for my three moms,\" Melinda repeated. \"My birth mom, my foster mom, and my real mom.\"",[14,86,87],{},"I think the whole congregation understood what she meant.",{"title":9,"searchDepth":89,"depth":89,"links":90},2,[],"First Look","2008-08-03","md",null,{},4,true,"\u002Farticles\u002Freal-parents","column","The Lookout",{"title":5,"description":5},"articles\u002Freal-parents",[104,105,106,107],"Intergenerational Ministry","Church Leadership","Spiritual Formation","Biblical Theology","g9pvMQ3ymLYxf_s5t2EB4brg1vClb1n1LXxO6pme3ns",[110,114],{"title":111,"path":112,"stem":113,"description":111,"children":-1},"Ready for the Journey","\u002Farticles\u002Fready-for-the-journey","articles\u002Fready-for-the-journey",{"title":115,"path":116,"stem":117,"description":118,"children":-1},"Real Zeal","\u002Farticles\u002Freal-zeal","articles\u002Freal-zeal","\"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you\" (Ephesians 5:14). This poetic exhortation (some say it was a song the early Christians sang) rings like an alarm clock to rouse us from spiritual slumber.",1790466173565]