Working at It

Joe and Annie felt nervous as they walked into the classroom at church. Friends had invited them to attend a six-week class on marriage, and they agreed—although they had their doubts whether a class would help.

When they walked down the aisle nine years ago, everyone said they were ideal for each other. Both of them had good jobs. They both had a strong faith in the Lord and a long history of involvement in the church. During their engagement, they met three times with their minister for pre-marital counseling, and Annie devoured several books about marriage. (Joe glanced through one of the books.)

Their wedding day was a blur of handshakes and kisses, solemn prayers and funny remarks, flower petals and wedding cake, photo flashes and best wishes. When the minister spoke about sacred promises and faithfulness in sickness and in health, the bride and groom looked at each other knowingly as if to say, "We already understand all that." Preoccupied with the wedding and looking forward to their honeymoon, it was hard to concentrate on the preacher's words: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Soon the one-of-a-kind wedding day melted into thousands of ordinary days. The "vows" gave way to the "nows"—building a home together in the give and take of daily life. Nine years of "nows" had worn away the "wows" of the wedding day. Joe faced increasing pressure at his job. Annie missed her parents more than she had expected. Joe's company reduced his health-care benefits, and his take-home pay shrank in the process. Loaded down with responsibilities, Joe and Annie missed the carefree days they enjoyed when they were dating.

They cried tears of joy when God blessed them with children—three little boys, born about 18 months apart. But now, instead of pursuing her career, Annie found herself working around the clock, rinsing bottles and refereeing battles for her preschool boys.

"I hope this is worth the effort," Joe muttered as they slid into their seats. "Two hours at a marriage class when I could be catching up on things at home. Plus the cost of the babysitter."

"We need this, Joe," his wife said quietly, squeezing his hand. Doubtful, he shook his head. Class was ready to begin.

A 60ish-looking couple strode to the front of the room. Annie recognized them from church. She knew them simply as Mr. and Mrs. Allen.

"Welcome to the Married for Good class," Mr. Allen said warmly. "We're glad you are here. Over the next six weeks, we want to share with you some things we have learned about marriage. After 38 years together, we know the good, the bad, and the ugly!" The class members laughed.

"We have a great marriage," his wife chimed in, "but don't think it's been easy. We've faced money problems, health problems, and in-law problems. We've gone through periods of doubt about our faith, times of temptation and frustration, and times when I was so angry I could hardly stand the sight of him!" Mr. Allen looked at the class with feigned surprise as if to say, "Who, me?" Everyone laughed again.

"But we've stayed together," she continued. "It's been incredibly hard work, but definitely worthwhile."

"That's right," Mr. Allen agreed, looking at his wife with unfeigned affection. "We don't have a perfect marriage. Nobody does. But we have a good one—and anybody can."

Annie felt herself beginning to relax. Joe slipped his arm around her shoulders. He leaned over and whispered, "Maybe this really will help."